Dan craps every day around 4:00pm.
At 3:50pm, I sat him on the toilet. I told him I was going to wait there until he pooped. He kept crying the word "Noooo" like Anakin when he found out Padme died giving birth (CAUTION SPOILERS LOL).
He cried so hard he made a grimace that looked like the Tragedy mask. I could only see two teeth on the bottom because his lip was so curved around his jaw in a huge gaping expression of horror that his ass was on the toilet instead of snug in a pull-up I knew he was inevitably going to shit.
We stayed in the bathroom for 20 minutes. Tristan laid on the floor, tiled with tiny yellow and white tiles, and pointed to all the white ones saying "White, white, white, white, white" every time he pointed to a new white one. Very serious business!
Twenty minutes later and Dan's bowels were going strong. He said he didn't have to poop. So we went outside to play.
He started squatting.
I rushed him back inside and stuck him on the toilet yet again for another 7 minutes. No poop.
WTF.
Didn't matter. I was off at 4:30. I left his inevitable payload for another poor soul to wipe up.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
The new face of Room 4.
Since we've graduated up most of the kids I started with, I'll give a little "Where are they now?" and a recap of who I do have at the moment.
Bailey, Kathryn, JoAnn, Molly, Danielle, and Laurel have all moved up and are in the preschool class.
Gloria is leaving day care because she cries when she has to come so her dad is going to stay home so she doesn't have to go to school. Tell me that's not a fucked up relationship. Why, exactly, is your three-year-old ruling your entire world? Put her in fucking day care and tell her to man up and get over it, she's only there two days a week.
Diego moved up to our room from the toddler class. He thinks he should get whatever he wants because he's cute, but he's been listening and actually being good so I shall withhold judgment
Christina will be moved up at the end of the month to preschool. She turns 3 in a couple weeks and honestly needs to be more challenged.
So that gives us... Dan, Corey, Tristan, Diego, Will (who was back today after a 3 day suspension), Billie (who will likely move up as soon as she's old enough, barring any weird circumstances), and Christina (for now). Seven. I don't think I'm missing anyone. Wow. Seven.
I NEED MORE GIRLS!
Bailey, Kathryn, JoAnn, Molly, Danielle, and Laurel have all moved up and are in the preschool class.
Gloria is leaving day care because she cries when she has to come so her dad is going to stay home so she doesn't have to go to school. Tell me that's not a fucked up relationship. Why, exactly, is your three-year-old ruling your entire world? Put her in fucking day care and tell her to man up and get over it, she's only there two days a week.
Diego moved up to our room from the toddler class. He thinks he should get whatever he wants because he's cute, but he's been listening and actually being good so I shall withhold judgment
Christina will be moved up at the end of the month to preschool. She turns 3 in a couple weeks and honestly needs to be more challenged.
So that gives us... Dan, Corey, Tristan, Diego, Will (who was back today after a 3 day suspension), Billie (who will likely move up as soon as she's old enough, barring any weird circumstances), and Christina (for now). Seven. I don't think I'm missing anyone. Wow. Seven.
I NEED MORE GIRLS!
Dan. Dan. Dan! DAN!!!
Children are obsessed with sticking their fingers places where they don't belong. Daniel can't go five minutes without me catching him with his fingers up his nose or in his mouth. He does the two-finger-nose-to-mouth combo: index and middle fingers up the nose, catch the snot, over the philtrum, and into the mouth.
I do not know how many times I said "Get your fingers out of your mouth" today. It was SLOBBER fest! Every time I caught him, I made him wash his hands. Then, I took his little poofy cheeks in my hand and told him to look at my eyes. He would. Then as soon as I said, "Don't," his eyes would look away. Ugh.
I managed to get out "Don't put your hands in your mouth" after restarting about 8 times. He wouldn't look at me. Then I made him say it back. Hands washed, he returned to playing. For five minutes. Because his hands were in his mouth again.
Another thing Dan does repeatedly after being told to stop, besides EVERYTHING, is playing with cars on the table. "Dan, where do the cars go?" "The floor." He moves to the floor but the next time I see him he's got the car on the table again! Ridiculous. So I took the cars and they are now in the closet. He almost cried. Would you like a WAAHHHmburger and some french cries? Whiner.
He also keeps sneezing on shit. Every time he sneezes or coughs, I tell him to cover his mouth. If I ask to the class, "How do we cough?" they all put their mouths to their elbows and fake-cough. I KNOW HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO. No. Wednesday he sneezed in the bathroom and snot landed on my hand. WTF kid. COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. NO ONE WANTS YOUR SNOT AND GERMS. Except you...would you like a spoon for your mucus?
He also has aim problems in the bathroom. He'll stick his hand on his junk and wiggle around so that he thinks it's pointed down but I literally said today, "Look, you see that little hole? That's where the pee comes out. That's what needs to point down." He peed on the seat because I guess he thought pee drops out from the bottom of the penis instead of the, you know, hole at the end.
Fuck.
I do not know how many times I said "Get your fingers out of your mouth" today. It was SLOBBER fest! Every time I caught him, I made him wash his hands. Then, I took his little poofy cheeks in my hand and told him to look at my eyes. He would. Then as soon as I said, "Don't," his eyes would look away. Ugh.
I managed to get out "Don't put your hands in your mouth" after restarting about 8 times. He wouldn't look at me. Then I made him say it back. Hands washed, he returned to playing. For five minutes. Because his hands were in his mouth again.
Another thing Dan does repeatedly after being told to stop, besides EVERYTHING, is playing with cars on the table. "Dan, where do the cars go?" "The floor." He moves to the floor but the next time I see him he's got the car on the table again! Ridiculous. So I took the cars and they are now in the closet. He almost cried. Would you like a WAAHHHmburger and some french cries? Whiner.
He also keeps sneezing on shit. Every time he sneezes or coughs, I tell him to cover his mouth. If I ask to the class, "How do we cough?" they all put their mouths to their elbows and fake-cough. I KNOW HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO. No. Wednesday he sneezed in the bathroom and snot landed on my hand. WTF kid. COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. NO ONE WANTS YOUR SNOT AND GERMS. Except you...would you like a spoon for your mucus?
He also has aim problems in the bathroom. He'll stick his hand on his junk and wiggle around so that he thinks it's pointed down but I literally said today, "Look, you see that little hole? That's where the pee comes out. That's what needs to point down." He peed on the seat because I guess he thought pee drops out from the bottom of the penis instead of the, you know, hole at the end.
Fuck.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Even the boss is nuts
Yesterday at work the director, Miss Paula, told me to go to the toddler room at 12:30 because Miss Julia could only be over-ratio for 1.5 hours at naptime and she wanted the half hour I had to be there at the beginning of naptime and not the end. Okay, cool. We finished lunch, I got all my kids' hands washed and they went potty, and then at 12:30 I went down to the toddler room.
There were only seven kids, and the toddler ratio is 1:7. Uh..alright, cool. They hadn't gone potty yet so I stayed in the room while Miss Julia took them to the bathroom.
She had the last two in the bathroom changing poopy diapers on the changing tables when Miss Paula came into the room and looked at me. I was standing, watching the kids.
She started talking about how she had told me the wrong time, and that the kids needed to be on their cots at 12:30 and they should have been to the bathroom by now. I just looked at her.
"I'm talking about the conversation where I went into the room and told you, 'no, I was wrong about the time, you need to go at 12 instead of 12:30.'"
I said, "The last I heard, I was to come down here at 12:30."
She looked flustered and just walked off.
Sorry I'm not psychic, boss.
Just to make sure, I asked Miss Carolyn and she said that Paula never came into our room and told me to go at noon.
Crazy ridiculous.
There were only seven kids, and the toddler ratio is 1:7. Uh..alright, cool. They hadn't gone potty yet so I stayed in the room while Miss Julia took them to the bathroom.
She had the last two in the bathroom changing poopy diapers on the changing tables when Miss Paula came into the room and looked at me. I was standing, watching the kids.
She started talking about how she had told me the wrong time, and that the kids needed to be on their cots at 12:30 and they should have been to the bathroom by now. I just looked at her.
"I'm talking about the conversation where I went into the room and told you, 'no, I was wrong about the time, you need to go at 12 instead of 12:30.'"
I said, "The last I heard, I was to come down here at 12:30."
She looked flustered and just walked off.
Sorry I'm not psychic, boss.
Just to make sure, I asked Miss Carolyn and she said that Paula never came into our room and told me to go at noon.
Crazy ridiculous.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Miss C's Dictionary
I come up with some cool terms at daycare, so I'll write a few down:
Becoming a noodle: an uncanny ability for children to make all their bones like cooked pasta, consequently falling in a shapeless blob to the floor in an act of utter defiance
Living rigor: when children become as rigid as humanly possible (usually when you pick them up to stick them in the time-out chair)
Becoming a noodle: an uncanny ability for children to make all their bones like cooked pasta, consequently falling in a shapeless blob to the floor in an act of utter defiance
Living rigor: when children become as rigid as humanly possible (usually when you pick them up to stick them in the time-out chair)
Toilet Phobia
Corey does not like the toilet. My miracle-working ways have made him comfortable with the urinal, and he regularly pees there, which is AWESOME, but he is terrified of the toilet.
Friday he had to poop. I knew it, he knew it, the American people knew it. Every time I changed his wet pull up there was a little skid, like it was trying like hell to come out and he clamped shut the doors to freedom and told it to get its ass back inside.
The bathroom, take one:
"Corey, do you have to go poopy?"
*Corey nods fevently*
"Do you want to try and go poopy on the potty?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
After this exciting incident, which resulted in him adamantly refusing to even SIT on the toilet, we just put his pull-up on and decided he would go when he was ready.
He shuffled around with clenched cheeks while he played, uttering "mommy mommy mommy" under his breath. He still wouldn't poop.
Naptime. He fell asleep and the other teacher noticed that someone smelled like poop when it came time to wake up. I hypothesized that Corey's bowels had played a game of "Everybody Out" while he was sleeping.
Nope.
He has sub-conscious sphincter control.
The bathroom, take two.
"Corey, doesn't your tummy hurt?"
*Corey nods*
"Your tummy is telling you that you need to go poopy."
*Corey nods again, points at urinal*
"You can't go poop in there. You have to go on the big potty"
"Nooo."
"Do you want to try and go poopy on the potty?"
"Noooo!"
"If you sit down and try, you'll get a sticker. Would you like a sticker?"
"Yeah!"
*Corey goes to the toilet, pulls down his pants, steps on the stepstool, turns in a circle, and gets back down*
"Corey, you need to sit on the toilet and go poop. Do you need help getting on the potty?"
*Corey nods*
*I pick up Corey and put him on the toilet*
*Corey jumps up like I stuck his ass in glowing embers*
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
So I pulled up his pull-up and told him he could poop in it.
His mom picked him up and we told her he had been holding it for about six hours. She said he does it at home too, because he doesn't like the potty.
I guess that's one diaper I won't worry about changing any time soon.
Friday he had to poop. I knew it, he knew it, the American people knew it. Every time I changed his wet pull up there was a little skid, like it was trying like hell to come out and he clamped shut the doors to freedom and told it to get its ass back inside.
The bathroom, take one:
"Corey, do you have to go poopy?"
*Corey nods fevently*
"Do you want to try and go poopy on the potty?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
After this exciting incident, which resulted in him adamantly refusing to even SIT on the toilet, we just put his pull-up on and decided he would go when he was ready.
He shuffled around with clenched cheeks while he played, uttering "mommy mommy mommy" under his breath. He still wouldn't poop.
Naptime. He fell asleep and the other teacher noticed that someone smelled like poop when it came time to wake up. I hypothesized that Corey's bowels had played a game of "Everybody Out" while he was sleeping.
Nope.
He has sub-conscious sphincter control.
The bathroom, take two.
"Corey, doesn't your tummy hurt?"
*Corey nods*
"Your tummy is telling you that you need to go poopy."
*Corey nods again, points at urinal*
"You can't go poop in there. You have to go on the big potty"
"Nooo."
"Do you want to try and go poopy on the potty?"
"Noooo!"
"If you sit down and try, you'll get a sticker. Would you like a sticker?"
"Yeah!"
*Corey goes to the toilet, pulls down his pants, steps on the stepstool, turns in a circle, and gets back down*
"Corey, you need to sit on the toilet and go poop. Do you need help getting on the potty?"
*Corey nods*
*I pick up Corey and put him on the toilet*
*Corey jumps up like I stuck his ass in glowing embers*
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
So I pulled up his pull-up and told him he could poop in it.
His mom picked him up and we told her he had been holding it for about six hours. She said he does it at home too, because he doesn't like the potty.
I guess that's one diaper I won't worry about changing any time soon.
Will Learns Colorful Language
This happened a few weeks ago. I had taken Will to the bathroom (always a tricky feat - does he really have to go or is he just looking for an escape and a chance to bolt?) and he decided he was going to become a noodle on the steps. When I did get him into the bathroom, he wouldn't pee or even try, so I said we were going back to the classroom.
He stood in the doorway and gave me his patented "I hate you, stupid." (Which comes out "I hatechoo, stoopit"). He said this twice and when I didn't react he flung this little nugget at me: "You fuckin' ass." Ooooh, what was that, little man? As if he had heard this internal double-take, he repeated himself in what I can only imagine was a selfless act to make sure I caught what he had said to me and he had made himself perfectly clear. How charming and thoughtful of him.
I took him back to the classroom so he could tell the other teachers his new words.
Too bad this was before the "If You're Angry And You Know It" song. We could have avoided the whole ordeal had he only known he could take a deep breath or tell a friend instead of saying such ghastly things.
He stood in the doorway and gave me his patented "I hate you, stupid." (Which comes out "I hatechoo, stoopit"). He said this twice and when I didn't react he flung this little nugget at me: "You fuckin' ass." Ooooh, what was that, little man? As if he had heard this internal double-take, he repeated himself in what I can only imagine was a selfless act to make sure I caught what he had said to me and he had made himself perfectly clear. How charming and thoughtful of him.
I took him back to the classroom so he could tell the other teachers his new words.
Too bad this was before the "If You're Angry And You Know It" song. We could have avoided the whole ordeal had he only known he could take a deep breath or tell a friend instead of saying such ghastly things.
Golden Showers Part Two
I took Dan to the potty on Wednesday. He now will go but prefers to sit to pee rather than stand. Whatever. I figured he had the protocol down but just for safety's sake, I told him to "make sure he pointed his pee-pee into the toilet." He stuck his hand in his crotch and adjusted. Good. I looked away and when I looked back, a yellow river had become dammed and was rising along the banks of his legs.
What does one do when running on holy-shit adrenaline? I pulled his knees apart.
He peed upward in an arc. Somehow I was mercifully missed by his fountain of urine.
I yelled, "STOP STOP STOP!!!" like a three-year old knows how to do kegel exercises. When my futile exclamations did nothing (big surprise) to stop the ever flowing piss-stream, I did what seemed logical...I just stuck his knees back together.
Another river ensued, and when he was FINALLY done, I just had him pull up his pants (with a wet spot, go figure) and we washed our hands and went back to class.
He did it twice the next day; thank God I wasn't there. By Friday he had gotten the whole aiming thing down, but for some reason he'll stand there and slap himself in the genitals a couple times before I can stop him and make him just point and click.
What does one do when running on holy-shit adrenaline? I pulled his knees apart.
He peed upward in an arc. Somehow I was mercifully missed by his fountain of urine.
I yelled, "STOP STOP STOP!!!" like a three-year old knows how to do kegel exercises. When my futile exclamations did nothing (big surprise) to stop the ever flowing piss-stream, I did what seemed logical...I just stuck his knees back together.
Another river ensued, and when he was FINALLY done, I just had him pull up his pants (with a wet spot, go figure) and we washed our hands and went back to class.
He did it twice the next day; thank God I wasn't there. By Friday he had gotten the whole aiming thing down, but for some reason he'll stand there and slap himself in the genitals a couple times before I can stop him and make him just point and click.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Some more new kids on the block
In addition to Corey, Dan, and Laurel...we now have Billie and Gloria. I haven't met Gloria yet but Billie is a cute girl who wears a lot of pink, is pretty well potty trained, and flips her shit when she gets dropped off. We have a cryer, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm down to working two days a week so I miss out on a lot of the fun going on with all my crazy kids.
JoAnn, Katherine, and Molly have all moved up to preschool with Bailey, and I see them in the halls sometime but I'm so busy carting mine around that I can't spend much time other than to say hello. Sad.
I'm down to working two days a week so I miss out on a lot of the fun going on with all my crazy kids.
JoAnn, Katherine, and Molly have all moved up to preschool with Bailey, and I see them in the halls sometime but I'm so busy carting mine around that I can't spend much time other than to say hello. Sad.
If you're angry and you know it...
We have a booked called "If you're angry and you know it," and we sing the song mainly for Will, who gets pissed at everything and throws stuff if you cease giving him attention (come on everybody, big sigh: *home problems*). The first time we sang it he sat there with his arms crossed in a chair...he knew. He knew the song was his song.
But Danielle likes it too! Daily, she wants to sing the song. She likes to act it out (stomp your feet, bang a drum, walk away, take deep breaths, tell a friend), and last week I came in at 7:30am and took the two kids who were there (Corey and Danielle) to our classroom.
Danielle promptly said, "I'm angry."
I asked, "Why?"
She replied, "I'm angry and I know it!"
I laughed. She played. It makes a lovely story.
But Danielle likes it too! Daily, she wants to sing the song. She likes to act it out (stomp your feet, bang a drum, walk away, take deep breaths, tell a friend), and last week I came in at 7:30am and took the two kids who were there (Corey and Danielle) to our classroom.
Danielle promptly said, "I'm angry."
I asked, "Why?"
She replied, "I'm angry and I know it!"
I laughed. She played. It makes a lovely story.
Friday, August 28, 2009
New Kids on the Block
Over the past week we have gotten three new kids, and we're booting up three of our old kids to preschool. The kids leaving are JoAnn, Katherine, and Molly. I will mise Katherine sorely, but the other two grind my gears, generally speaking, and I'm happy they'll be someone else's problem now.
New kids:
Corey - They can't just leave us with a bunch of kids who speak properly. Corey has a speech impediment worse than Bailey's. I can't understand him most of the time. He's only been here a week, and so far he has not gone potty once in the "big boy potty," flipping shit every time I try to coax him toward it and preferring to soak his pull-ups instead.
Dan - I have had to change Dan's poopy diaper twice, and both times I have wondered why his parents feed him so much fucking CORN. He shits corn. Today his poo leaked down one leg and got on the crotch of his pants. So I got to change his corn diaper and put new shorts on him. He hasn't peed on the potty yet either, at least for me. Other than crapping the produce aisle, he is VERY mannerly (today he said "no thank you" and totally floored me) though sometimes he doesn't listen. We'll work on it.
Laurel - QUIET. Very very quiet. She will play and gets along fine (after a few minutes of sitting to get used to daycare) but she hardly talks! I imagine she'll be talking soon. She wears pull-ups but I haven't had to change one yet. She doesn't have accidents, and she's SO good at going potty. She'll be my new Katherine I can take to the bathroom with Will since she's so well behaved.
New kids:
Corey - They can't just leave us with a bunch of kids who speak properly. Corey has a speech impediment worse than Bailey's. I can't understand him most of the time. He's only been here a week, and so far he has not gone potty once in the "big boy potty," flipping shit every time I try to coax him toward it and preferring to soak his pull-ups instead.
Dan - I have had to change Dan's poopy diaper twice, and both times I have wondered why his parents feed him so much fucking CORN. He shits corn. Today his poo leaked down one leg and got on the crotch of his pants. So I got to change his corn diaper and put new shorts on him. He hasn't peed on the potty yet either, at least for me. Other than crapping the produce aisle, he is VERY mannerly (today he said "no thank you" and totally floored me) though sometimes he doesn't listen. We'll work on it.
Laurel - QUIET. Very very quiet. She will play and gets along fine (after a few minutes of sitting to get used to daycare) but she hardly talks! I imagine she'll be talking soon. She wears pull-ups but I haven't had to change one yet. She doesn't have accidents, and she's SO good at going potty. She'll be my new Katherine I can take to the bathroom with Will since she's so well behaved.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Questions
Kids like to ask questions. My two most inquisitive kids are Danielle and JoAnn.
I have moles on my neck. Not gross ones, just..moles. Danielle is obsessed with my moles. And my freckles. I have lots of those as well as the few scattered moles on my neck.
If Danielle is in my lap or looking at me close-up, she will inevitably point to a mole and ask "Mmmmmmmmmmwazzis?" I say, "A mole." She responds, "A moleh." Well, no, it's more drawn out. Like "Moooooooooooleh." She continues to point to all of the moles, knowing I will say "mole" and giving her the opportunity to say "moooooleh."
Then she moves to the freckles. She points to a spot on my arm. "Mmmmwazzis?" I tell her, "A freckle." Her response: "A preckle." Hilarity and repetition ensue until I get frustrated or she gets bored and she moves on to something else.
Jo's questions are just as worthy of Captain Obvious's pantaloons and pointed hat, but they are for some reason more annoying to me.
"Miss Caitlin, what's on your shirt?"
"A butterfly."
"Is it a butterfly?"
"Yes, Jo. It's a butterfly."
If wearing an apron with children emblazoned on the front, she asks, "What's their names?"
LIKE I KNOW. THEY ARE NONEXISTANT CARTOON CHILDREN. WHY MUST YOU ASK STUPID QUESTIONS???
"I don't know, Jo. They're just kids on the apron."
Doing a puzzle, Jo held up a puzzle piece that clearly depicted Esmerelda's (from the Hunchback of Notre Dame) hands.
"Miss Caitlin, are these her hands?"
"Jo, do they look like her hands?"
"Yes."
"Then why are you asking me if those are her hands?"
"Miss Caitlin, these are her hands."
No shit, sherlock.
I have moles on my neck. Not gross ones, just..moles. Danielle is obsessed with my moles. And my freckles. I have lots of those as well as the few scattered moles on my neck.
If Danielle is in my lap or looking at me close-up, she will inevitably point to a mole and ask "Mmmmmmmmmmwazzis?" I say, "A mole." She responds, "A moleh." Well, no, it's more drawn out. Like "Moooooooooooleh." She continues to point to all of the moles, knowing I will say "mole" and giving her the opportunity to say "moooooleh."
Then she moves to the freckles. She points to a spot on my arm. "Mmmmwazzis?" I tell her, "A freckle." Her response: "A preckle." Hilarity and repetition ensue until I get frustrated or she gets bored and she moves on to something else.
Jo's questions are just as worthy of Captain Obvious's pantaloons and pointed hat, but they are for some reason more annoying to me.
"Miss Caitlin, what's on your shirt?"
"A butterfly."
"Is it a butterfly?"
"Yes, Jo. It's a butterfly."
If wearing an apron with children emblazoned on the front, she asks, "What's their names?"
LIKE I KNOW. THEY ARE NONEXISTANT CARTOON CHILDREN. WHY MUST YOU ASK STUPID QUESTIONS???
"I don't know, Jo. They're just kids on the apron."
Doing a puzzle, Jo held up a puzzle piece that clearly depicted Esmerelda's (from the Hunchback of Notre Dame) hands.
"Miss Caitlin, are these her hands?"
"Jo, do they look like her hands?"
"Yes."
"Then why are you asking me if those are her hands?"
"Miss Caitlin, these are her hands."
No shit, sherlock.
Mr. Will at Naptime
It all started with Michael Jackson. Will was screaming "MICHAEL JACKSON!" and "NO. MICHAEL. JACKSON!" for what I still figure is NO damned reason at all. He picked up a book, "The Good Night Bible." He pointed to it and said "This is the Goofiest Michael Jackson Show." He then asked me to read him "The Goofiest Michael Jackson Show," and I told him I couldn't read "The Goofiest Michael Jackson Show," but I could read him "The Good Night Bible." That was not sufficient for Mr. Will.
He threw books. I grabbed him and put him on his cot. He kicked books. He tried to kick me. He kicked whatever was near.
He then decided to watch tv. He flipped his cot up against the bookshelf, snuggled his back into it, and "turned on" the "tv" with an invisible remote. He announced, "I'm watchin' tv."
Sigh.
I put the cot back down (fatal mistake) and tried to make him lay on it, or sit on it quietly, or anything but messing around. Fail.
Eventually, all nap times come down to Will screaming and wailing and making baby noises (jealousy issues of little brother) until he either (a) falls asleep or (b) is removed from the classroom and taken to be someone else's problem for my sanity's brief respite.
He threw books. I grabbed him and put him on his cot. He kicked books. He tried to kick me. He kicked whatever was near.
He then decided to watch tv. He flipped his cot up against the bookshelf, snuggled his back into it, and "turned on" the "tv" with an invisible remote. He announced, "I'm watchin' tv."
Sigh.
I put the cot back down (fatal mistake) and tried to make him lay on it, or sit on it quietly, or anything but messing around. Fail.
Eventually, all nap times come down to Will screaming and wailing and making baby noises (jealousy issues of little brother) until he either (a) falls asleep or (b) is removed from the classroom and taken to be someone else's problem for my sanity's brief respite.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Golden Showers
We played in the sprinkler today. I got smart and left my phone inside AND I brought water shoes so I could run around with the kids. I even picked them up and held them over the sprinkler just to hear their giggle-shrieks.
When we were done playing in the water, we sent the kids to get their towels and dry off. Katherine had been laying on her towel in the sun and I looked over to see Danielle standing over her. I didn't know what the hell she was doing, and I walked over. Danielle went and got her towel but Katherine just looked at me and said, "Danielle peed on me."
WTF.
When we brought in their swim stuff from drying outside, neither of their suits smelled like pee, so we are HOPING with all of our souls that she just dripped water from her swimsuit.
Oh kids these days...
When we were done playing in the water, we sent the kids to get their towels and dry off. Katherine had been laying on her towel in the sun and I looked over to see Danielle standing over her. I didn't know what the hell she was doing, and I walked over. Danielle went and got her towel but Katherine just looked at me and said, "Danielle peed on me."
WTF.
When we brought in their swim stuff from drying outside, neither of their suits smelled like pee, so we are HOPING with all of our souls that she just dripped water from her swimsuit.
Oh kids these days...
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Bathroom aim
I realize that more and more of these posts are about what happens in the bathroom, but it's too funny not to comment upon.
I have had issues with boys aiming their boy-bits and dribbling down the front of their pants because for some reason evolution has not imprinted upon their instinctive minds to HOLD THE DAMN THING so pee doesn't go everywhere. I have not, until today, had that same issue with a girl. Sitting down.
Danielle was throwing a bit of a hissy fit and she didn't want to go potty, so I walked her into the bathroom and helped her get her pants down and she went to hop up on the toilet. I warned her to "get her whole bottom" on the toilet because she was fidgeting but then she said "uh oh" and I looked and she had peed ON her pants.
Oh my goodness.
As if that wasn't fun enough, Tristan had fun with urine-aim as well. He had been dry since I got there, which was AMAZING, since he usually gets his pull-up/diaper changed pretty regularly. He frequently throws lovely fits for me, not wanting to go potty, so I just wash his hands and leave. Today, however, he went pee in the ridiculous floor-length urinal. He even aimed with his hands. He turned to me, smiling HUGELY, saying "Look, I go pee in the potty!" ...and peed all over the floor while turning.
I stomped on a paper towel to soak up his mess and got Danielle changed out of her wet pants into dry ones. No other urine issues to speak of today. Tomorrow shall bring new adventures.
I have had issues with boys aiming their boy-bits and dribbling down the front of their pants because for some reason evolution has not imprinted upon their instinctive minds to HOLD THE DAMN THING so pee doesn't go everywhere. I have not, until today, had that same issue with a girl. Sitting down.
Danielle was throwing a bit of a hissy fit and she didn't want to go potty, so I walked her into the bathroom and helped her get her pants down and she went to hop up on the toilet. I warned her to "get her whole bottom" on the toilet because she was fidgeting but then she said "uh oh" and I looked and she had peed ON her pants.
Oh my goodness.
As if that wasn't fun enough, Tristan had fun with urine-aim as well. He had been dry since I got there, which was AMAZING, since he usually gets his pull-up/diaper changed pretty regularly. He frequently throws lovely fits for me, not wanting to go potty, so I just wash his hands and leave. Today, however, he went pee in the ridiculous floor-length urinal. He even aimed with his hands. He turned to me, smiling HUGELY, saying "Look, I go pee in the potty!" ...and peed all over the floor while turning.
I stomped on a paper towel to soak up his mess and got Danielle changed out of her wet pants into dry ones. No other urine issues to speak of today. Tomorrow shall bring new adventures.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Miss Caitlin vs. Will
I went to work at 12:00 today.
Will came in around 12:15.
Will peed his pants around 12:25.
Will's mother did not bring him clean underwear, pants, or shorts, nor did she bring his swim trunks and swim shoes like I wrote on his sheet yesterday. Miss Carolyn managed to find a pair of daycare pants to put him in since he had none of his own to wear.
The kids went down for their nap around 12:30. Christina went right to sleep, Katherine and Danielle took a little longer but they fell asleep pretty easily, Kevin cried for his mommy until I held him, and Will was Will.
Coming in so late, he wasn't tired, so he sat on his cot and did puzzles. He wanted me to do them for him, but I wouldn't. Eventually I helped him put together a puzzle of Snoopy on a unicycle juggling easter eggs while Woodstock rode on his head, and he got crabby and was being fussy so I told him he didn't get any more puzzles until he could listen and stay on his cot. He started screaming. Not yelling or doing his barking thing; he was shrieking. I looked at him and told him to be quiet and he was crying. I took his towel (he was using it as a blanket since he had peed on his blanket from the day before) and held him until he was ready to lay down. I rubbed his back for 10 minutes or so and he was out.
He woke up around 2:45............WET. He pissed his body weight into his cheap generic pull-up and it went through the daycare's jeans right onto the daycare's carpet. I washed his cot and sprayed the floor and found NEW daycare pants. We went to the potty and changed his clothes. I hope his mom brings him something or he'll be wearing girl pants tomorrow, with little glitter butterfly and flower appliques on the side.
After snack, I told him to go look at books in the reading corner. He resisted. He finally did go look at books but kept getting up. When we went to wash our hands in the bathroom, he ran from me. So I told him he would sit out for three minutes when we went outside to play.
We went outside with the toddlers to play with cars and bikes, and I told Will that he had to go sit out because he hadn't been listening. He said, "I want to listen." I told him he had to sit anyway and he could show me his listening ears later. He ran off and I figured I'd have to go wrangle him and sit him down on the bench, when I looked up and he was SITTING ON THE BENCH. I am a superhero, I am invincible, the kid listens to me. Miss Julia told me he won't listen to anyone but me. Hallelujah, a breakthrough.
I went and told him that he could go play if he used his listening ears and he was a good boy. He gave me a hug and went to play. Today has been ruled an epic win.
Will came in around 12:15.
Will peed his pants around 12:25.
Will's mother did not bring him clean underwear, pants, or shorts, nor did she bring his swim trunks and swim shoes like I wrote on his sheet yesterday. Miss Carolyn managed to find a pair of daycare pants to put him in since he had none of his own to wear.
The kids went down for their nap around 12:30. Christina went right to sleep, Katherine and Danielle took a little longer but they fell asleep pretty easily, Kevin cried for his mommy until I held him, and Will was Will.
Coming in so late, he wasn't tired, so he sat on his cot and did puzzles. He wanted me to do them for him, but I wouldn't. Eventually I helped him put together a puzzle of Snoopy on a unicycle juggling easter eggs while Woodstock rode on his head, and he got crabby and was being fussy so I told him he didn't get any more puzzles until he could listen and stay on his cot. He started screaming. Not yelling or doing his barking thing; he was shrieking. I looked at him and told him to be quiet and he was crying. I took his towel (he was using it as a blanket since he had peed on his blanket from the day before) and held him until he was ready to lay down. I rubbed his back for 10 minutes or so and he was out.
He woke up around 2:45............WET. He pissed his body weight into his cheap generic pull-up and it went through the daycare's jeans right onto the daycare's carpet. I washed his cot and sprayed the floor and found NEW daycare pants. We went to the potty and changed his clothes. I hope his mom brings him something or he'll be wearing girl pants tomorrow, with little glitter butterfly and flower appliques on the side.
After snack, I told him to go look at books in the reading corner. He resisted. He finally did go look at books but kept getting up. When we went to wash our hands in the bathroom, he ran from me. So I told him he would sit out for three minutes when we went outside to play.
We went outside with the toddlers to play with cars and bikes, and I told Will that he had to go sit out because he hadn't been listening. He said, "I want to listen." I told him he had to sit anyway and he could show me his listening ears later. He ran off and I figured I'd have to go wrangle him and sit him down on the bench, when I looked up and he was SITTING ON THE BENCH. I am a superhero, I am invincible, the kid listens to me. Miss Julia told me he won't listen to anyone but me. Hallelujah, a breakthrough.
I went and told him that he could go play if he used his listening ears and he was a good boy. He gave me a hug and went to play. Today has been ruled an epic win.
Urine Machines
Small children are urine machines. The water fountain is a dangerous thing, and temper tantrums before nap can sometimes result in a child refusing to pee -- this is also dangerous.
JoAnn is on vacation this week, so that's one bladder I don't have to deal with. Will was running away from me when I tried to take him potty before nap yesterday, so I stuck him back in the classroom and took a better behaved child. He was in a pull-up, so I wasn't too worried. Tristan was also in a pull-up.
Guess who peed through their pants? Yes, BOTH boys in PULL-UPS. Will's was so soaked he must have drunk his weight in beverages, and Tristan somehow didn't get his sheet or blanket wet, just a 3" diameter circle on his pants. They were changed, their wet clothes were bagged, and they peed in the potty accordingly.
I would also like to take the opportunity to say that parents need to take some initiative and read the notes teachers leave for them about their children. Will was completely out of underwear and shorts/pants in his drawer, and we have been writing notes on his sheet for a few days. He had two accidents yesterday and wound up going home in his swim trunks because that's all the butt-cover he had left. I think he dresses himself too because one of his socks was clearly meant for a younger child's foot - it was so tight and pinchy that he complained it hurt. Not okay.
JoAnn is on vacation this week, so that's one bladder I don't have to deal with. Will was running away from me when I tried to take him potty before nap yesterday, so I stuck him back in the classroom and took a better behaved child. He was in a pull-up, so I wasn't too worried. Tristan was also in a pull-up.
Guess who peed through their pants? Yes, BOTH boys in PULL-UPS. Will's was so soaked he must have drunk his weight in beverages, and Tristan somehow didn't get his sheet or blanket wet, just a 3" diameter circle on his pants. They were changed, their wet clothes were bagged, and they peed in the potty accordingly.
I would also like to take the opportunity to say that parents need to take some initiative and read the notes teachers leave for them about their children. Will was completely out of underwear and shorts/pants in his drawer, and we have been writing notes on his sheet for a few days. He had two accidents yesterday and wound up going home in his swim trunks because that's all the butt-cover he had left. I think he dresses himself too because one of his socks was clearly meant for a younger child's foot - it was so tight and pinchy that he complained it hurt. Not okay.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Miss Caitlin Plays Cinderella
Today I got to work at my scheduled 9:30am to the main teacher in my room asking me what I was doing at work so early. "I'm scheduled at 9:30," I told her. Miss Lindsey was in the room helping her, as she had done all week, so I went upstairs to talk to the director and ask her what she wanted me to do since I wasn't needed yet in my classroom.
I watched a 45-minute training video about "The Creative Curriculum," which had some great ideas about teaching kids but they had so many more resources than we have so it was basically a downer. They had big blocks to build things and a huge room and a big outdoor area... we have a fence in a parking lot and a fort to play in, and our rooms aren't big enough for all that stuff! It made me want to rearrange the room and make it more like the other daycare but there's no way that's happening.
When I was done with the video, I got to play Cinderella. Mind you, I dressed up for work today in my nice jeans (casual Friday, yes!) and a nice top, and I even wore contacts and makeup. (Danielle asked me, "Miss Caitlin, Where's yours glasses?" -- how adorable). I got a bucket of warm soapy water and washed the banisters of all the staircases in the center. My back was feeling great (sarcasm). I tried to sing for the squirrels and sparrows to help me, but those bitches were too busy eating nuts and shitting on cars to help poor ol' me with the cleaning.
When I was done, I was sent to the kitchen to help the cook before lunch time. I organized ketchup, mustard, and ranch dressing (aka CRACK for kids) in little buckets to go to each room for lunch, and then I got to push the cart to take the food to the classrooms. When I came back downstairs to the kitchen, I stood on an old metal folding chair and wiped nasty black dust crust off fan blades.
For lunch, the kids had cheeseburgers (all kids and cats say YAY!) Since I do not partake in the joys of government-quality meat patties (or any red meat, for that matter) the cook found a veggie burger in the freezer from when we had a vegetarian kid at the center. Usually I microwave on one side for 30 seconds, then flip for another 30, and it's done. Two minutes in I still had a frozen spot in the middle. Finally I thought it was done. I choked it down with mustard and ketchup and managed to eat a couple really cold bites toward the end. Gag.
I took the cart back upstairs to get the discards and dishes from the classrooms, and on the way back downstairs I ate a derelict slice of cheese and a handful of cold french fries. LUNCH OF CHAMPIONS! No beverage.
At noon I was released back into my natural habitat, that of the early preschooler. They played, colored, and looked at books before naptime, where Will was once again a delinquent child and Bailey kept trying to see what Will was doing so I had to constantly flip him over, petting his head (hair gel today...I cannot escape GUNK) until he finally fell asleep.
Blah blah blah, I went on my break and met my husband at Dairy Queen for some low-budget noms. On my way in one of the directors calls me and says I don't have to come back in since we're under ratio and the teacher can handle it without me. DAMN. There go another 2 hours from my paycheck. On the up side, I got to come home and write about my day sopping grime and dust from stair railings and fan blades.
I watched a 45-minute training video about "The Creative Curriculum," which had some great ideas about teaching kids but they had so many more resources than we have so it was basically a downer. They had big blocks to build things and a huge room and a big outdoor area... we have a fence in a parking lot and a fort to play in, and our rooms aren't big enough for all that stuff! It made me want to rearrange the room and make it more like the other daycare but there's no way that's happening.
When I was done with the video, I got to play Cinderella. Mind you, I dressed up for work today in my nice jeans (casual Friday, yes!) and a nice top, and I even wore contacts and makeup. (Danielle asked me, "Miss Caitlin, Where's yours glasses?" -- how adorable). I got a bucket of warm soapy water and washed the banisters of all the staircases in the center. My back was feeling great (sarcasm). I tried to sing for the squirrels and sparrows to help me, but those bitches were too busy eating nuts and shitting on cars to help poor ol' me with the cleaning.
When I was done, I was sent to the kitchen to help the cook before lunch time. I organized ketchup, mustard, and ranch dressing (aka CRACK for kids) in little buckets to go to each room for lunch, and then I got to push the cart to take the food to the classrooms. When I came back downstairs to the kitchen, I stood on an old metal folding chair and wiped nasty black dust crust off fan blades.
For lunch, the kids had cheeseburgers (all kids and cats say YAY!) Since I do not partake in the joys of government-quality meat patties (or any red meat, for that matter) the cook found a veggie burger in the freezer from when we had a vegetarian kid at the center. Usually I microwave on one side for 30 seconds, then flip for another 30, and it's done. Two minutes in I still had a frozen spot in the middle. Finally I thought it was done. I choked it down with mustard and ketchup and managed to eat a couple really cold bites toward the end. Gag.
I took the cart back upstairs to get the discards and dishes from the classrooms, and on the way back downstairs I ate a derelict slice of cheese and a handful of cold french fries. LUNCH OF CHAMPIONS! No beverage.
At noon I was released back into my natural habitat, that of the early preschooler. They played, colored, and looked at books before naptime, where Will was once again a delinquent child and Bailey kept trying to see what Will was doing so I had to constantly flip him over, petting his head (hair gel today...I cannot escape GUNK) until he finally fell asleep.
Blah blah blah, I went on my break and met my husband at Dairy Queen for some low-budget noms. On my way in one of the directors calls me and says I don't have to come back in since we're under ratio and the teacher can handle it without me. DAMN. There go another 2 hours from my paycheck. On the up side, I got to come home and write about my day sopping grime and dust from stair railings and fan blades.
Sadness in Daycare Land
(Originally posted on Facebook July 24)
Today is Bailey's last day because he is moving up a class (YAY!!!) and Elizabeth's last day because the government took away her mom's Title XX assistance that paid for child care (BOO!!!).
They said that they have to include their father's income because mom and dad live together even though they're not married (I think they used to be, but got divorced, or something like that) so they "make too much" to qualify for assistance. Now her mom has to either find someone to watch her 3 kids because she can't afford $500/week in day care, or she'll have to lose her job and stay home with the kids...which would then qualify her for food stamps, WIC, everything other than child care.
I think it's stupid.
There's another family at the center with the same situation but they say the dad's whereabouts are unknown so they get assistance and they drive nice cars around - THOSE people can afford it, and they're working the system while people who actually need it are going to lose their jobs to care for their kids.
It's messed up and it makes me sad. Elizabeth is a mouthy little bugger, but deep down I love all my kids and I hate to see her go.
Now I'm once again worried about my job because our max enrollment in the room is 8 after these two leave and if less than that show up they'll call me off. The government is making child care cuts everywhere so every single day care is in danger, especially in cases of Title XX, because they're talking about reducing the qualifications for "full time" which would make most of our full-time kids go to part-time status and we would lose money, and then we'd start cutting jobs.
You know what we need??
DAY CARE BAILOUT. An entity that actually needs it...something that people need to go to work, make money, and stimulate the economy. Ooh, I'm gonna get all "Change We Can Believe In" soon, I bet. But yeah, basically the government thinks it's helping when really it's just going to cause day care families to lose jobs, and that sucks, so then they'll qualify for other welfare -- why not just give more day care assistance so people can go to freakin' work!?
*Sigh* Rant over.
Today is Bailey's last day because he is moving up a class (YAY!!!) and Elizabeth's last day because the government took away her mom's Title XX assistance that paid for child care (BOO!!!).
They said that they have to include their father's income because mom and dad live together even though they're not married (I think they used to be, but got divorced, or something like that) so they "make too much" to qualify for assistance. Now her mom has to either find someone to watch her 3 kids because she can't afford $500/week in day care, or she'll have to lose her job and stay home with the kids...which would then qualify her for food stamps, WIC, everything other than child care.
I think it's stupid.
There's another family at the center with the same situation but they say the dad's whereabouts are unknown so they get assistance and they drive nice cars around - THOSE people can afford it, and they're working the system while people who actually need it are going to lose their jobs to care for their kids.
It's messed up and it makes me sad. Elizabeth is a mouthy little bugger, but deep down I love all my kids and I hate to see her go.
Now I'm once again worried about my job because our max enrollment in the room is 8 after these two leave and if less than that show up they'll call me off. The government is making child care cuts everywhere so every single day care is in danger, especially in cases of Title XX, because they're talking about reducing the qualifications for "full time" which would make most of our full-time kids go to part-time status and we would lose money, and then we'd start cutting jobs.
You know what we need??
DAY CARE BAILOUT. An entity that actually needs it...something that people need to go to work, make money, and stimulate the economy. Ooh, I'm gonna get all "Change We Can Believe In" soon, I bet. But yeah, basically the government thinks it's helping when really it's just going to cause day care families to lose jobs, and that sucks, so then they'll qualify for other welfare -- why not just give more day care assistance so people can go to freakin' work!?
*Sigh* Rant over.
Potty Routines
(Originally posted on Facebook July 22)
Each kid is different in the potty. The bathroom makes their little attitudes shine. We have to take between 2 and 4 kids at a time, so that you're not alone with a child. Being alone with a kid is number one no-no. I guess more than four is too much...and I agree. I usually take 2, 3 if we have a lot of kids and I want to make fewer trips. I take four only when absolutely necessary.
Side note: We got a "new" kid...Kevin! He was at daycare then left for weeks so we assumed he wasn't coming back, and then magically he returned. Whatever.
I usually take Bailey to the potty with Tristan, Danielle, or Kevin. All boys usually works best since you don't have girls trying to peek at what the boys have and they don't. Bailey and Danielle is difficult sometimes because for the longest time he wouldn't HOLD IT to AIM his pee, and he'd wind up peeing on his shorts. While I would watch him to make sure this didn't happen, Danielle would try to get her poop out of the toilet, pull soggy paper out of the toilet, or stick her fingers in her pee WHILE peeing. Danielle, and several other children now that I think of it, fold themselves in half and watch what happens during excretion and urination. Danielle labels them as they come out: mommy poop, daddy poop, baby poops. For real?
Whenever possible, I take Will with Katherine, because she will patiently sit until I am done dealing with him. If we're putting on a Pull-Up, I have to take his shoes and pants off because his mom buys the cheap ones that don't open and close on the sides (like diapers... pull-ups are basically useless; just buy diapers) so if he's in a mood, it's hell to get his pants off, pull-up on, and pants and shoes back on. All the while, he's probably pointing at things making inquisitive dog whine noises. "Aauuooer?" "Aahhr!" He makes noises like Blue from Blue's Clues. "Buh-buhr!" At least he aims when he pees.
JoAnn will tell me vehemently that she does NOT have to go potty. I tell her to try. Once she cried because she didn't want to get on the potty. 90% of the time when I tell her to try, she pees. A lot. Maybe if she went potty more instead of trying to avoid it she would quit peeing her pants!
When I take a group of kids to the bathroom, I remind them CONSTANTLY to "use their walking feet" and their "listening ears." If they start running to the bathroom, I make them come back and walk. If they open a door without me, I pull them back and make them wait until I open it.
Elizabeth does not listen. I say walk every single time, and she runs, screaming "MY GO POTTY FIRST." Since she doesn't listen to me, I tell her to sit and another kid goes first. Elizabeth cries, screams, throws a fit because the toilet did not get the privilege of her precious bottom first. I just look at her. She goes last. Sometimes she refuses altogether, and if I pick her up to take her in the stall, she relaxes her muscles and just goes limp on the floor. Whatever. Pee your pants. ALSO, if another kid has to potty, Elizabeth tells you she has to go too. "I gotta POOP," she screams across the room seemingly every other day. Gah.
Tristan is still in diapers, and he is very moody after his nap, so a lot of times I have to wrestle a fresh diaper onto him if he won't go potty at all. I at least need to change your soaking wet diaper, kid! He cries. "NO!" but he sounds British when he says "no" like "neaaauuuu." He stomps his feet and turns very very red and cries and hops up and down and it's less threatening and more funny as hell.
Molly is fine, but when she's with other girls they talk and play outside the bathroom the whole time and I have to tell them to be quiet about 9,000 times.
Christina is very good with her underwear. I haven't dealt with an accident with her yet, and she's been in underwear for several weeks now. She tells us when she has to go and she holds it until she's on the toilet. However, if you take her potty right after her nap or any time she doesn't WANT to go, she will scream, invoke the dark prince, whatever it takes, but she is NOT getting on that toilet. I pick her up to set her down on it, and she goes rigid, sliding right back off. Okay then, let's just wash your hands.
Not a lot of experience with Kevin yet... he hasn't used the potty with me, I just change his diaper. Nothing interesting to report as of this moment.
Final note: If there is toilet paper, the smallest tiniest bit, in the toilet...it MUST be flushed before any bathroom activity can commence. WTF! Just go, it's still a toilet, it will flush just the same afterward. Soooo much water waste!
Tune in next time I write! Probably a different bat-time, but it'll be the same bat-channel.
Each kid is different in the potty. The bathroom makes their little attitudes shine. We have to take between 2 and 4 kids at a time, so that you're not alone with a child. Being alone with a kid is number one no-no. I guess more than four is too much...and I agree. I usually take 2, 3 if we have a lot of kids and I want to make fewer trips. I take four only when absolutely necessary.
Side note: We got a "new" kid...Kevin! He was at daycare then left for weeks so we assumed he wasn't coming back, and then magically he returned. Whatever.
I usually take Bailey to the potty with Tristan, Danielle, or Kevin. All boys usually works best since you don't have girls trying to peek at what the boys have and they don't. Bailey and Danielle is difficult sometimes because for the longest time he wouldn't HOLD IT to AIM his pee, and he'd wind up peeing on his shorts. While I would watch him to make sure this didn't happen, Danielle would try to get her poop out of the toilet, pull soggy paper out of the toilet, or stick her fingers in her pee WHILE peeing. Danielle, and several other children now that I think of it, fold themselves in half and watch what happens during excretion and urination. Danielle labels them as they come out: mommy poop, daddy poop, baby poops. For real?
Whenever possible, I take Will with Katherine, because she will patiently sit until I am done dealing with him. If we're putting on a Pull-Up, I have to take his shoes and pants off because his mom buys the cheap ones that don't open and close on the sides (like diapers... pull-ups are basically useless; just buy diapers) so if he's in a mood, it's hell to get his pants off, pull-up on, and pants and shoes back on. All the while, he's probably pointing at things making inquisitive dog whine noises. "Aauuooer?" "Aahhr!" He makes noises like Blue from Blue's Clues. "Buh-buhr!" At least he aims when he pees.
JoAnn will tell me vehemently that she does NOT have to go potty. I tell her to try. Once she cried because she didn't want to get on the potty. 90% of the time when I tell her to try, she pees. A lot. Maybe if she went potty more instead of trying to avoid it she would quit peeing her pants!
When I take a group of kids to the bathroom, I remind them CONSTANTLY to "use their walking feet" and their "listening ears." If they start running to the bathroom, I make them come back and walk. If they open a door without me, I pull them back and make them wait until I open it.
Elizabeth does not listen. I say walk every single time, and she runs, screaming "MY GO POTTY FIRST." Since she doesn't listen to me, I tell her to sit and another kid goes first. Elizabeth cries, screams, throws a fit because the toilet did not get the privilege of her precious bottom first. I just look at her. She goes last. Sometimes she refuses altogether, and if I pick her up to take her in the stall, she relaxes her muscles and just goes limp on the floor. Whatever. Pee your pants. ALSO, if another kid has to potty, Elizabeth tells you she has to go too. "I gotta POOP," she screams across the room seemingly every other day. Gah.
Tristan is still in diapers, and he is very moody after his nap, so a lot of times I have to wrestle a fresh diaper onto him if he won't go potty at all. I at least need to change your soaking wet diaper, kid! He cries. "NO!" but he sounds British when he says "no" like "neaaauuuu." He stomps his feet and turns very very red and cries and hops up and down and it's less threatening and more funny as hell.
Molly is fine, but when she's with other girls they talk and play outside the bathroom the whole time and I have to tell them to be quiet about 9,000 times.
Christina is very good with her underwear. I haven't dealt with an accident with her yet, and she's been in underwear for several weeks now. She tells us when she has to go and she holds it until she's on the toilet. However, if you take her potty right after her nap or any time she doesn't WANT to go, she will scream, invoke the dark prince, whatever it takes, but she is NOT getting on that toilet. I pick her up to set her down on it, and she goes rigid, sliding right back off. Okay then, let's just wash your hands.
Not a lot of experience with Kevin yet... he hasn't used the potty with me, I just change his diaper. Nothing interesting to report as of this moment.
Final note: If there is toilet paper, the smallest tiniest bit, in the toilet...it MUST be flushed before any bathroom activity can commence. WTF! Just go, it's still a toilet, it will flush just the same afterward. Soooo much water waste!
Tune in next time I write! Probably a different bat-time, but it'll be the same bat-channel.
Bailey Wants His Tuhr-Tuhr
(Originally posted on Facebook July 16)
Okay, so since my sister-in-law commented on the first ever "Day Care Room 4" post, I will extrapolate on the story of Bailey's tuhr-tuhr.
I mentioned that he has a speech impediment. Vowels are pretty good, but his consonants are all sorts of messed up. He can't really do an "s" sound at all, and "g" comes out as "d" while "c/k" comes out as a "t."
Caitlin = Tainin
Cot = tot
cat = tat
kitty = you figure that one out
Train = Toowain
Kiss = Tih
Give = dih
Book = boo-it
Look = Woo-it
purple = pur-pur
And you can figure out how it goes. He sometimes makes NO sense but you can usually figure it out if you know what he's playing with. Tow-Mater from Cars is just "Maydur." Having never seen Cars, that one took me a while. He has Tow-Mater at his house. "I hah mayner a my how!" Crackers are fun too.
Anyway, the big fun story comes from a sticker. He has a lot of issues with "sticker" and it becomes "tuhr-tuhr."
He had a sticker on his birthday - a big "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" one. The main teacher in the room was on her break while the kids were on their cots and I was alone with this lone kid still awake. He was fidgeting and wouldn't stay on his cot (tot) and was kicking the play center next to him and just being obnoxious. I tried rubbing his back and telling him to be quiet and close his eyes, but to no avail. He kept playing with his sticker, taking it off his shirt and putting it back on, rolling around, just messing with the damn sticker.
So I took it.
He started crying. "I WANT MY TUHR-TUHR!!"
I told him that only good boys get stickers and that if he wanted it back he would have to lay down and be good. He still cried. I told him to sit on my lap, and I talked to him and said that he had to lay down/be good/blah blah blah and he could have his sticker back. He gave me a hug, I gave him his sticker, and he went down on his cot.
The kid has fallen asleep for me maybe 3 times in my whole month and a half working there. I am like caffeine. He will not sleep if I am the one by him. Today I once again employed the removal of the tuhr-tuhr. He cried. We repeated the process. He went to sleep. Win.
Okay, so since my sister-in-law commented on the first ever "Day Care Room 4" post, I will extrapolate on the story of Bailey's tuhr-tuhr.
I mentioned that he has a speech impediment. Vowels are pretty good, but his consonants are all sorts of messed up. He can't really do an "s" sound at all, and "g" comes out as "d" while "c/k" comes out as a "t."
Caitlin = Tainin
Cot = tot
cat = tat
kitty = you figure that one out
Train = Toowain
Kiss = Tih
Give = dih
Book = boo-it
Look = Woo-it
purple = pur-pur
And you can figure out how it goes. He sometimes makes NO sense but you can usually figure it out if you know what he's playing with. Tow-Mater from Cars is just "Maydur." Having never seen Cars, that one took me a while. He has Tow-Mater at his house. "I hah mayner a my how!" Crackers are fun too.
Anyway, the big fun story comes from a sticker. He has a lot of issues with "sticker" and it becomes "tuhr-tuhr."
He had a sticker on his birthday - a big "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" one. The main teacher in the room was on her break while the kids were on their cots and I was alone with this lone kid still awake. He was fidgeting and wouldn't stay on his cot (tot) and was kicking the play center next to him and just being obnoxious. I tried rubbing his back and telling him to be quiet and close his eyes, but to no avail. He kept playing with his sticker, taking it off his shirt and putting it back on, rolling around, just messing with the damn sticker.
So I took it.
He started crying. "I WANT MY TUHR-TUHR!!"
I told him that only good boys get stickers and that if he wanted it back he would have to lay down and be good. He still cried. I told him to sit on my lap, and I talked to him and said that he had to lay down/be good/blah blah blah and he could have his sticker back. He gave me a hug, I gave him his sticker, and he went down on his cot.
The kid has fallen asleep for me maybe 3 times in my whole month and a half working there. I am like caffeine. He will not sleep if I am the one by him. Today I once again employed the removal of the tuhr-tuhr. He cried. We repeated the process. He went to sleep. Win.
Day Care Room 4: An Introduction
(Originally posted on Facebook July 15)
I've been talking about starting a blog about my adventures as a day care employee. I'll start with a note and see where it goes. I will change all the kids' names so as to not poo-poo on anyone's privacy. Notes/entries may or may not be in any type of chronological order.
I work with a group of children ages 2.5 to 4 years old. At full capacity, my room has 9 children. The ratio is 1 teacher to 8 children. This is sick and wrong. I have had 8 at a time with no help, and it is not okay. There is no way to get up to stop one child from jumping off chairs while the others sit idly by the wall to get ready to go outside. Once you move from the group of idle ones to catch the rogue, they all go crazy.
Here's an introduction of my kids (I am making up their "new" names as I go):
Bailey: Bailey is 4 and should be in the preschool classrooms but he is not potty trained yet and so is still in early preschool. He has a speech impediment and it is, at times, almost impossible to understand what he is saying. To him, my name is Mih Tainin.
Will: Will is 3, and he is something akin to a feral animal. He absolutely adores me and will be excited when I walk in the room, but he rarely listens to a thing any of the teachers say. He will not sit still in a chair, yet if it is HIS idea to sit next to me, he will do it perfectly mannered. I don't get it. Recently he has taken to barking and whining like a dog when he wants something or is upset. He frequently stares and slowly blinks his eyes, looking confused, especially when presented with a simple request like "Will, go potty." Sigh.
JoAnn: JoAnn is also 3, and she is adorable. An only child, she hates it when anyone touches "her" toys and she will cry like you shot her dog if you take away a toy or privilege. No matter how cute, she sometimes fails to listen or pay attention. Last week she pooped her pants three times, and she's been all but perfectly potty trained for months. WTF.
Elizabeth: Elizabeth is also 3 and doesn't like to listen. She is cute but demanding and flips her shit if she can't get what she wants. She has 2 sisters so I feel like she should be more used to sharing.
Molly: Molly is hit-or-miss with attendance. Her parents are split up so she sometimes comes in if she's with mom or she doesn't if she's with dad. Pretty well behaved. Not a lot to report.
Danielle: A beautiful almost 3-year-old girl who is the cutest thing... until she opens her mouth and puts whatever she can find in it. Asphalt, carpet, toys, bugs, dirt, plants, bark, rocks...all food groups to her. She likes to play with her poop, and she watches herself on the potty and announces how many and what types of poops she has made. (Mommy poop, baby poop, etc. I am not kidding).
Katherine: Katherine is probably my favorite. She is well-behaved and listens very well. She goes on the potty without incident and washes her hands without clapping the foam soap all over the room.
Tristan: Tristan is an adorable almost 3-year-old who is the poster child for "cute." He doesn't always listen, and when he does something wrong and gets in trouble he hides his eyes behind his arm. It's so adorable I have to try to stay in discipline mode because I just want to hug him. Very dangerous.
Christina: Temper tantrum city if you wake her up and try and make her pee before you feed her snack. She's very cute but doesn't like to listen and if you pick her up she has some magic ability to make all her muscles go slack and her bones disappear so she becomes impossible to hold without thinking you'll break her somehow. Annoying.
So that's an introduction to MY kids. The toddler room down the hall has a few I get to deal with too, like James. I call him James because he is the absolute spitting image of Dr. Wilson from House. I need to find a cranky one with a limp and get them on a play date. He's scared of water. It's fun. Bai for now!
I've been talking about starting a blog about my adventures as a day care employee. I'll start with a note and see where it goes. I will change all the kids' names so as to not poo-poo on anyone's privacy. Notes/entries may or may not be in any type of chronological order.
I work with a group of children ages 2.5 to 4 years old. At full capacity, my room has 9 children. The ratio is 1 teacher to 8 children. This is sick and wrong. I have had 8 at a time with no help, and it is not okay. There is no way to get up to stop one child from jumping off chairs while the others sit idly by the wall to get ready to go outside. Once you move from the group of idle ones to catch the rogue, they all go crazy.
Here's an introduction of my kids (I am making up their "new" names as I go):
Bailey: Bailey is 4 and should be in the preschool classrooms but he is not potty trained yet and so is still in early preschool. He has a speech impediment and it is, at times, almost impossible to understand what he is saying. To him, my name is Mih Tainin.
Will: Will is 3, and he is something akin to a feral animal. He absolutely adores me and will be excited when I walk in the room, but he rarely listens to a thing any of the teachers say. He will not sit still in a chair, yet if it is HIS idea to sit next to me, he will do it perfectly mannered. I don't get it. Recently he has taken to barking and whining like a dog when he wants something or is upset. He frequently stares and slowly blinks his eyes, looking confused, especially when presented with a simple request like "Will, go potty." Sigh.
JoAnn: JoAnn is also 3, and she is adorable. An only child, she hates it when anyone touches "her" toys and she will cry like you shot her dog if you take away a toy or privilege. No matter how cute, she sometimes fails to listen or pay attention. Last week she pooped her pants three times, and she's been all but perfectly potty trained for months. WTF.
Elizabeth: Elizabeth is also 3 and doesn't like to listen. She is cute but demanding and flips her shit if she can't get what she wants. She has 2 sisters so I feel like she should be more used to sharing.
Molly: Molly is hit-or-miss with attendance. Her parents are split up so she sometimes comes in if she's with mom or she doesn't if she's with dad. Pretty well behaved. Not a lot to report.
Danielle: A beautiful almost 3-year-old girl who is the cutest thing... until she opens her mouth and puts whatever she can find in it. Asphalt, carpet, toys, bugs, dirt, plants, bark, rocks...all food groups to her. She likes to play with her poop, and she watches herself on the potty and announces how many and what types of poops she has made. (Mommy poop, baby poop, etc. I am not kidding).
Katherine: Katherine is probably my favorite. She is well-behaved and listens very well. She goes on the potty without incident and washes her hands without clapping the foam soap all over the room.
Tristan: Tristan is an adorable almost 3-year-old who is the poster child for "cute." He doesn't always listen, and when he does something wrong and gets in trouble he hides his eyes behind his arm. It's so adorable I have to try to stay in discipline mode because I just want to hug him. Very dangerous.
Christina: Temper tantrum city if you wake her up and try and make her pee before you feed her snack. She's very cute but doesn't like to listen and if you pick her up she has some magic ability to make all her muscles go slack and her bones disappear so she becomes impossible to hold without thinking you'll break her somehow. Annoying.
So that's an introduction to MY kids. The toddler room down the hall has a few I get to deal with too, like James. I call him James because he is the absolute spitting image of Dr. Wilson from House. I need to find a cranky one with a limp and get them on a play date. He's scared of water. It's fun. Bai for now!
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